Now I understand what this feelings actually is.
My sadness when I thought of him is not because that I will never be with him but its actually the thoughts and feelings that I will never have someone like him. With all the traits and personalities that I always thought can never have in a person; the very traits and personalities that I love / want / attracted to. Hence explain why I have or really want to come peace with not having my someone, my own person in this world. But there are times when this heart proves that I am also merely a human. Someone with emotions and feelings.
I am actually glad that this time, it's not intense as before and I believe it's also because of that I can finally fully understand this feelings. Previously, I thought that it's the overflowing feelings that made my heart ache at every thought of this; on top of everything.
But seriously tho. Sighh can't deny that I AM jealous whenever I'm thinking of that someone else will end up with him. Such a fine, soft spoken, gentle, understanding, and attentive man. Sighh. Plus that he's damn handsome for sure. A face that you can never get tired looking at!! hahhhh
May Allah ease it for me. May this heart will be at peace even seeing someone who is everything that I want yet could not have exists.
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You are recovering, and that is good enough. Let's move forward slowly, yet surely.
